Turn it off and on again

So the US Government has had a shutdown, welcome to my world Mr President.

This is something that I have encountered on many occasions and believe me, it’s very annoying.

My experience over the years has helped me build up a list of handy hints and tips to overcome these prickly setbacks thus making me perfectly qualified to advise Mr Obama should this ever happen to him again.

Here goes:

1 – Turn it off and on again

This should always be the first remedy you reach for. Initially you must turn it off, count to 30 (numbers 18 to 30 can be sped up to save time) and turn it back on again. If shutdown has not been overcome repeat the process over and over again until the 30 second count is non-existent and has been replaced with a rapid-fire on-off-on-off-on-off routine. Stop shortly prior to you losing the will to live and proceed to step 2.

2 – Smack it on the side

This comes in useful when it’s just gone a bit fuzzy. With a firm but flat palm smack it once on the side, stare for a few seconds and repeat if necessary until fuzziness has gone. Do not attempt to replace the palm of your hand with any other object, like a table tennis bat or a boot. Evolution has retrained the palm of the hand throughout the 20th century and if this doesn’t work nothing will. Proceed to step 3.

3 – Ctlr + Alt + Delete

If the first two steps have failed you then you’re really in trouble and may have to result to something a little less technical. The dexterity needed to press these three random buttons may have been hampered by the sore hand you got from step 2, but if you can manage it you should now be greeted by a whole raft of instructions to help you overcome shutdown.

If this hasn’t worked, turn it off and on again…

Dean Enon Senior account manager